I don’t know about you but when you have finished a project, is there ever a second that you wonder if you did a good job? This is my second time assistant designing at my university and it was a stressful but still insightful look on what goes on in theatre. I feel like I have taken some liberties with M-Profs work. I don’t mean that I have changed his design but I got to design the ensemble members and it has been great but I also feel that I have not done enough. I don’t know if it is the perfection part of me that wants things to be absolutely perfect but it is what I am feeling…inadequate.
The director handed my coworker and friend, a student as well, a red rose to the cast and a couple other people and told her she did a good job. I don’t know about any of you but if you have taken the love language test it is pretty accurate because I am a person who finds love in words and get gratification by it. I guess it is because I am just the assistant and it doesn’t matter but it is nice to know that my friend got the recognition she deserves.
I still don’t know how well I did but I guess when M-Prof and I talk or something I will find out.
I got a gift but that isn’t what makes M-Prof amazing and important in my life but that he sees potential in me and that is something I struggle with as a person. I struggle with being the best that I can be, I struggle with falling down and not being able to get back up (both figuratively and physically). I struggle with how my future will look. I struggle with accepting my job well done when I don’t know if it is.