This is not easy to admit: I hate the feeling of jealousy. I know that many of you will probably know about who this is and here are some previous posts: Stop Thinking! Location of Disdain Falling Back
You would think that I can surpass all these raging emotions of jealousy, but I cannot.
I now realize that this person that you may or may not have heard of is now in a good place with F-Prof and that is threatening to me. I know that I have no right to be threatened by this person but I feel that immensely. I went into work today and found this girl, can we call her Rocky? Yes, I think that will be good.
Rocky apparently had to meet with F-Prof and I didn’t know what about but I didn’t like her being there and then I realized, after they closed the door, and I could hear their conversation just fine that they were talking about asst. costume designing. Can I tell you how much that worries me and “irks” me? The show that F-Prof offered to her is a show that she was going to possibly offer to me and didn’t. I don’t know why but she did and she also offered it to another girl and I am just distraught.
I feel like F-Prof and I have not been the same and if you have read these two posts: Tipping Point Part 1 Tipping Point Part 2
I just know that her and I have not been the same and that has changed immensely our dynamic and I think my love of the costume shop that I am currently working at. You see, before I couldn’t stay away and I loved it, but now I am hoping to run away early or just have a day off.
I just know that I am worrying so much and that people would want opportunities like I do.
I need to realize that I am not the only costumer out there and that there are other people who need to work like I do and that we live in such a small world that it can’t be helped.
Moral, I need to accept that this person will be in the same field as I am and to get along with her as best I can as a friend rather than a rival. If you didn’t know, she was my friend about a month or two before I saw her as a rival. I don’t need to focus on her but myself so that I can be the best that I can be.
I am sad that I had to write this but it really does help me to see how much I have grown or fallen back, but if I cannot learn from my mistakes and woes, please learn from them and understand that you are much better off without this kind of jealousy.